ARRRRGGGGHHHHH

Friday, April 9, 2010

I've not written anything since January, apparently. Oops.

I'm working full-time for the first time in my life, and it's kind of killing me. Not in an "I don't like my job" sense, because I do, but in a "good grief, this takes everything out of me" sense. 3-year-olds, it turns out, are exhausting.

The thought of finding something coherent and analytical to say is a little daunting.

I suppose I could shift the focus of this blog to more of a personal journal type of thing, but I worry that that would be completely boring to people.

So, I don't know. I'd like to get back to posting frequently, and to actually have something worthwhile to say....I hope that can happen.

Blog For Choice/Blog-aversary

Friday, January 22, 2010

Good God! I've not been blogging much lately. I didn't realize quite how infrequent the posts have become.....I think I need to find my enthusiasm again....

Anyway, it's "Blog for Choice" day. Incidentally, it's also the anniversary of my having started this thing.

I'm pro-choice because every human deserves COMPLETE bodily autonomy. Whatever one's "beliefs," one does not have the right to dictate what someone else can or can't do with hir own life or body.

So there. Simple.

You know what makes me happy?

Sunday, December 6, 2009

You know what makes me happy?

Feminist dads.

At the beginning of the school year, my head teachers and I let the parents know that they are more than welcome in the classroom, should they want to come in and do art, make music, read a story or cook something with us.

On Friday, one of the dads came in to do a small art project with the kids. He arrived early to set up, and was playing with his daughter and chatting with the English teacher and with me. For whatever reason, all the kids were late that morning (okay, maybe not all of them.....just most), which gave us a lot of time to fill him in on class goings-on and whatever. I mentioned that I found a nifty t-shirt that I want to start wearing to school, to counteract some of the "I like princesses and only want to draw with the pink marker"* bullshit that's going on in the class.
The shirt has a crown on it, and says "Self-rescuing Princess." (available here)

This dad, whose daughter Maggie is a super kid and well on her way to being a kick-ass empowered girl, loved the idea of the shirt. He told us that he was so frustrated at Halloween, because even for little girls, the ready-made costume choices were frilly princess, frillier princess and slutty pirate girl.....oy vey....**

Then he said that last week, when the grandparents were all in town for Thanksgiving, his dad was reading "The Paperbag Princess" to Maggie. Grandpa was a little uncomfortable with the message, apparently, because he finished the book and gave an addendum: "Then the prince went on to Stanford and got an MBA and became a CEO."

To which Dad responded with an addendum to the addendum: "And the princess grew up to get the world to achieve WORLD PEACE!"

I love that this dad is just quietly and calmly going about being a fantastic feminist ally and active partner in raising an empowered feminist kid. He's not reciting empty tropes about "girl power" while encouraging Disneymania. He doesn't work till 8pm all week, then take the kids to the park once on the weekend and expect a cookie for it. He just chooses the books and movies and costumes carefully, buys the striped leggings instead of the frilly shit, and comes into the class to do art with us.

Okay, so when it's his turn to do Maggie's hair it turns out a little wonky, but no one's perfect, right?

I'm so glad that I've got this family in my class, and I wish all our parents were this cool!

UPDATE: Feminist Dad is also insanely good at calligraphy.....my holiday gift (a box of See's chocolates! Woot!) had a lovely, lovely hand-lettered note.

*Maggie ended up deciding that she wanted to be Pocahontas for Halloween, so dad made the costume himself.

**There's only one pink marker, for whatever reason, and I'm sick to death of seeing all-pink drawings. So I hid the marker in the closet. I know, I'm evil.

Maggie

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

If you haven't already, please make a donation to my friend Maggie.


Donate here.

Life, the Universe and Everything

Saturday, October 24, 2009

I knew that I hadn't written anything in some time, but it wasn't until a second ago that I realized I had gone a full month without posting.....

I've been overworked and preoccupied lately, by a number of things:
1) Spending 90% of my work day tending to 1 child, to the detriment of the other 15.
2) Spending my weekends grouching about having to go teach music lessons to belligerent students whose parents can't be bothered to schedule a regular time for lessons because of soccer, softball, swimming, and, last week, going to adopt a dog.
3) Getting horribly sick with the worst cold known to humanity, and wishing that it were the flu because then the symptoms and the name would be on the same level of misery
4) The universe crashing down horribly on those I know and love.


1) Yes, there's a child in my class who is so out of control, so toddler (developmentally, not age wise), and so disruptive and violent that if I don't tend to him ALL THE TIME it will mean physical and emotional harm to the other students. Thanks, admissions director. Fuck you too.

2) I'm sick of it and am trying to find a way to fire my students, despite the precipitous drop in income that that will mean for me.

3) It was only a cold. No fever, at any point. And yet, I felt miserable for a good 2 weeks....blech.

4) a. A family friend and well-known Bay Area conductor went in for a scheduled heart surgery. She suffered clotting problems and a stroke on the table, and never regained consciousness. A week later, her partner chose to take her off life support and take her home to die in peace and dignity. Imagine having to make that decision?? Her death was misreported, and I inadvertently passed on news of her demise before it had actually happened. I feel like the biggest shithead on earth for that one. She died the next day.

b. The same day that I misreported K's death, I found out that my dear blog-friend Maggie had been rushed to the hospital after 48 hours of the most intense pain that a human can imagine. She waited that long to call 911 because, of course, she has no health insurance.
Luckily, the public hospital in Austin was on ER diversion, and she was instead rushed to the best hospital around. She was treated by an ace surgical team, and is being given the best care possible.
It's damn lucky that the other ER was on diversion or Maggie would likely be dead right now.
The bad news is that because she's uninsured and poor, there's no way that she can pay for this care. She might get chucked out of the hospital before she has recovered if we dont' come up with funds FAST.
Go to her personal blog, Meta Watershed, or the news blog where she writes, Group News Blog, to read all of the harrowing details and to DONATE. Give till it hurts. Please. This woman has done more for the world so far than I can imagine squeezing into one life and she's not done yet. But she desperately needs everyone's help.

You can do donations through Paypal or by sending a check to Group News Blog with "Maggie Jochild" in the memo. Maggie has such limited mobility that getting the mail and getting to a bank and that sort of thing is nearly impossible.

c. The next day, my mom's ex's mother died. She was elderly, and had been declining fast, and it was "time." Still very sad, though. The ex and mom were together for about 12 years, and in that time, we got to know his family quite well. His parents were such dear people, always welcoming and kind. She'll be truly missed.

d. At some point in all of this, another friend was also rushed to the ER. I don't have permission to write about her situation, but suffice it to say that she's living in a new town, at a new school, without family or close friends yet, and my heart just aches for what she's going through....

e. My mom is having to go in for a surgical procedure this coming week. Besides having to deal with a boyfriend who recently had a stroke, and a mother who is completely dependent on us for transport and such.

f. Boyfriend's father just had a pacemaker installed. At least once the leads have disconnected. He's in Canada, though, and Boyfriend is pretty bummed about living so far away.

So, yeah, life has been really intense lately.

There have been plenty of things that I've read or heard that warrant essays in response. I just haven't been able to deal.

Sorry.

That's Genius

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The list of this year's MacArthur fellowship (aka the "Genius Grant") winners is out, and exactly half of the recipients are women. Woot!

Several are older women, several are women of color. Science, the arts and the humanities are represented all represented.

Glad to know that it's not always bad news for women!

http://www.macfound.org/site/c.lkLXJ8MQKrH/b.5410503/k.11CB/Meet_the_2009_Fellows.htm

(one of Boyfriend's co-advisers is a former MacArthur winner.....yay for women in science and engineering!)

That's Not My Name

Monday, September 21, 2009

Safeway, the grocery store chain, apparently has a policy that states that guests should be thanked by name at the end of each transaction.

After scanning and bagging one's groceries and taking one's money, employees will print out the receipt, look at it, and say something along the lines of "Thank you, Mr. Aggleflaggle, have a nice day!"

They will get the name from either the credit/debit card or "Club Card" info, at the bottom of the receipt. I suppose that if you pay in cash, and don't use a club card, you'll just get a "thank you, have a nice day."

So here's where it gets interesting.

I almost always buy groceries with my debit card, because the cash in my wallet usually only suffices for a coffee or a burrito. This means that my name appears on the receipt along with my card information. I don't have a "Club Card" of my own, so I always plug in either my grandmother's or Boyfriend's phone number, to get the discounts that way.

This means that the checker has a choice of names. And, interestingly enough, the checker seems to always choose to read the "club card" name, not the debit card name.

Which means that on a fairly regular basis, I get addressed as "Ms. Boyfriend'slastname."

Which weirds me out completely.

I usually don't correct them, since that would require me to spend more time in Safeway. I hate supermarkets, you see, and usually try to dash in and out as quickly as possible.

But yeah, their assumption really bugs me. If you see my name (on the credit/debit line) and some dude's name, why would you assume that that's the right last name?????


*****

Semi-, but not completely related:

Why are so many women my age changing their names when they get married? Women who seem otherwise feminist and progressive? Just among friends and coworkers, I can think of at least 6 or 8 people who have gotten married in the last few years and have changed their names. I can only think of 3 who have gotten married and kept their names.

I mean, not even getting into the "why get married?" discussion, why is this trend still so prevalent?

I know I sound horribly judgmental, but I really don't understand.

Especially when the women in question are performers, who rely on publicity and "getting their names out there".....

sigh.

Challenging Art and our Eucations

Saturday, September 12, 2009

This post is kind of an extended commentary on another blog post. Sorry if that's too self-referential!

My friend -m- writes the blog Modest and Witty. It's a pretty phenomenal account of her life and adventures. Like me, -m- tends to rant, but in a far more cohesive and intelligent manner than I usually accomplish.

-m- just moved to New York, to go to an impressive music school. Obviously, it being New York and all, there are so many things to see and do that -m- is having quite an interesting time.

A recent trip, to the Brooklyn Art Museum, sparked a mammoth post, the entirety of which can be read here. -m- and a friend saw Judy Chicago's 1974-79 installation piece The Dinner Party.

The Dinner Party is huge. It's an equilateral triangle measuring 48 feet per side (that's a perimeter of 144 feet or 43.89 metres for all you nerds). The triangle is set up like a table, with places for 39 "Guests of Honor." Each place setting highlights the contributions of a woman, whose name is shown on the place mat/table runner. The space inside the lines of the triangle features the names of 999 other women who have contributed to predated the 39 featured women.

Instead of plates, there are intricate porcelain sculpture inspired by butterflies/vaginal imagery.

I have not seen this instillation in person, so the descriptions are based on -m-'s writing as well as the site throughtheflower.org

-m- reacts this way:

I was utterly unprepared for this installation. How could I have expected it? The catalog itself reports it as consisting of:
39 dinner place settings of porcelain flatware (fork, knife and spoon), porcelain chalice, and decorated porcelain plate. Each setting is laid out on a separate embroidered textile runner. Thirteen place settings are on each side (48 feet long) of a triangular table draped with a white felt cloth, with a triangular millennium runner at each of three corners. Each of the settings represents one of thirty-nine historically significant women. The table sits on a floor of 2304 porcelain triangular tiles (in 129 units) inscribed with the names of 999 significant women.
Ok, so it's a big table set for dinner and there are lots of women's names. Cool. This will be interesting. Right. How can I tell you what it was like walking into that room? Rather, walking into the room was just what I expected. Each setting is quite particular, and placed in a mostly chronological order. First? 'Primordial Goddess'

Ok. That makes sense.

Next? 'Fertile Goddess'

Sure.

Of note, the plates at each setting are decorated in personalized floral/butterfly/vulva patterns. I add floral and butterfly to the description mostly because the plaque at the exhibit did so. My impression of the plates was overwhelmingly linked to feminine power, to clitoral and sexual potency, power, depth, mystery, and strength. There were cunts all over this table, each beautiful and different. Each cunt-plate brought its own sacred history to the table.

Next? 'Ishtar', 'Kali', 'Snake Goddess', 'Sophia', 'Amazon', 'Hatshepsut', 'Judith', 'Sappho', 'Boadaceia', 'Hypatia', 'Marcella', 'Saint Bridget'. . .

By this point, I had finished one third of the table, and I was starting to get worried. The women who earned a place at the table were assumedly at the top of the list, a list that involves more than a thousand names. Only 39 received special settings, and I guess I assumed that of those 39 I would know a vast majority. I was discovering how naïve that assumption had been.

'Theodora', 'Hrosvitha', 'Trotula', 'Eleanor of Aquitaine', 'Hildegarde of Bingen', 'Petronilla de Meath', 'Christine de Pisan', 'Isabella d'Este', 'Elizabeth R.', 'Artemisia Gentileschi'. . .

I recognized two of these names, and I could tell you about one of them. The names continued almost in defiance of my ignorance. A grief I had never experienced began to overwhelm me, and I felt tears begin to well up. I have never before cried because of a piece of art. Art has moved me toward thought, toward debate, toward laughter, toward anger, toward many things- but never tears. Of the more than thousand names celebrated in 'The Dinner Party", I would recognize a perhaps generous figure of 100.

Less than 10%.

'Anna van Schurman', 'Anne Hutchinson', 'Sacajawea', 'Caroline Herschel', 'Mary Wollstonecraft', 'Sojourner Truth', 'Susan B. Anthony', 'Elizabeth Blackwell', 'Emily Dickinson', 'Ethel Smyth'. . .

I realized even more so, that at least 50% of the names I recognized belonged to women about which I knew nothing. For example, I could not have told you yesterday (I am very sorry to admit) who Mary Wollstonecraft was or what contributions she had made. A horrifying thought occurred to me: should a similar celebration of man's historical contributions be constructed in such a manner, I would easily recognize at least 50% of the names. I would probably also be able to explain in depth the contributions of at least 15% of them. Of course, that's just a guess.

I don't remember at what point I began to cry, but I know it was after I had left the table settings and had moved to the Herstory Board section- a chronology/brief description of the contributions of every name on exhibit. I felt as though I'd been punched in the gut. Somewhere, deep within, something had been stolen from me. My education had failed me. My culture had failed me. I had failed myself. How could I know so little about the power of the feminine? How had I missed my own history so succinctly? Who was Margaret Sanger? Natalie Barney? Virginia Woolf and Georgia O'Keefe were names familiar to me, but they provided little comfort after the onslaught of the unfamiliar.

I cried. I cried for myself. For my culture. For the education that I and my sisters and brothers were missing. It was a quiet cry, privately witnessed by an almost unending row of names.
I sat down on a bench and tried to center myself, attempting to pull myself back from the brink of destructive self-pity, searching for the redemptive righteous anger that I knew must be on the other side of such a deep wound. While I waited a man came over to the lady sitting next to me on the bench and commented on the 'fascinating' board of names.
. . .

Fascinating.

Even now I am filled with an anger and a hurt that is beyond my ability to capture.

Fascinating.

I understand how a board filled with the history of influential women one has never heard of could be a fascinating concept. I understand and respect this man's ability to recognize a resource he had not previously encountered. I understand to a certain extent.

But it goes so much deeper than the cognitive whimsy of a 'fascinating' history display. This is personal. It is my mother, my great-grandmother, my as-yet-undreamt-of-daughter. It is me. It is the mantle I inherited by being born into this body, or rather more so by living in it. It is the lie that has been perpetuated by silence. It is the gaping holes in my history. In me. It is the lack of acknowledgment of those holes- my previous inability to even conceptualize how many holes there might be.

I knew, of course, that there was much of the history and contributions of women that I didn't know, but I had never before been confronted so tangibly by the vastness of the unknown of feminine beauty, strength, thought, and power.

I am enraged.

I am crying.

I am crying, and I am enraged by the bleeding hole where my knowledge of my grandmothers should be. I have been robbed. So have you.

We, all of us, have been robbed by patriarchal thieves bent on silencing the brilliance of half our forebears. This cannot stand, but who will stand with me?

Why do we allow such silence? What do we do about it? How can I turn this wounded-ness, this anger, into a vehicle for change?

How can we?
***

In order to get a sense of where -m-'s anger comes from, try this experiment. Look at the list of women whose names appear in The Dinner Party (Wikipedia lists them, showing how they are organized in the work) and start counting. I made 3 categories: Know About, Recognize Name, and Huh??

Go through the list and classify the names. Then tally them up. I'm not interested in a competition of who can tell me about the largest number of these women, but rather the internal reflection. Count them up for yourself, then see what it means to you that this list of women who have contributed tons to western society will no doubt feature people you've never heard of.

Now, I realize that unless one was a history major, womens' studies minor, and possesses the memorisational powers of a super computer, its unlikely that anyone would know all of these women. But if a similar list were compiled of men who have contributed to western society, the number of well-known names would undoubtedly be far larger.

*****

Since I haven't seen this work in person, and since it's not like a painting that can be fully captured in a photograph or print, it's a little weird for me to start analysing the visual impact or aesthetics.

That said, I think that the significance of The Dinner Party for me lies not in what it is, physically, but what it represents. I think that all of the vaginal imagery would likely strike me as very heavy handed and overly literal. In general, though, I HATE when people trot out the idea that women's power comes from their fertility, and when people are reduced to their biology. They are ideas that simply do not interest me.

The picky/judgemental part of me needs to chime in:

Also, I'm not sure how I feel about the inclusion of saints/mythological characters/non-people. I can see how, given that most societies have had strong ties to religion, the people or gods that they venerate become important, but it's still a little weird to me. I don't really know why.

Sophia, though? Uh-uh. We're supposed to be talking about WOMEN here, and just because the word "Σoφíα" is feminine doesn't mean that it refers to a woman. Even in ancient Greece, to my knowledge there was not a female character or representation attached to the concept of wisdom. In Orthodox mystical theology, wisdom is associated with the Virgin Mary (Theotokos), but that's not the same. She's being used as an allegory for wisdom.
Shall we start calling all feminine words (words that are feminine in other languages) women? Table? Window? Library?

Sorry, that's really not the point of the post, and is possibly harmful to the point at hand......I just get picky like that. My incredible obsession with accuracy can get in the way of a lot of things. Apologies!

I think my overall point is The Dinner Party would be even more powerful to me if all of the names were people, and people who actually existed, rather than goddesses and mythological figures. It's easy to discount those non-real people if you don't subscribe to that philosophy or religion, and the goal of the work is exactly the opposite of that. It seems to be about NOT discounting and NOT overlooking.

Small bone to pick.

I realize that I haven't really responded to -m-'s anger and call to arms. I think they stand alone, and don't need reinforcement from me. Think about what you can do, though.

Gearing Up

Monday, August 31, 2009

The first day of school is tomorrow.....think happy thoughts for me! I'm a little scared!

We met our students today....they seem soooooooo young it's unbelievable!

Back Home

Sunday, August 23, 2009

I got back this morning from my second workshop of the summer. I was in Seattle for 2 weeks, attending a baroque opera workshop. We learned and performed a program of scenes from various 17th C operas.

This particular workshop was started by a totally famous and important lutenist, and besides the impeccable musical coaching and teaching, the strengths lie in the areas of drama and movement. The 3 stage directors are all remarkably good at dissecting archaic texts, guiding the students as they discover the nuances of the language, the best ways to express that language verbally and physically, and the movement and gestures that will best accomplish that.

2 of the 3 directors also run a movement class every morning, focusing on de-stressing and ways to kindly use one's body.

I haven't written anything about this yet, mostly because I was processing so much information that it was hard to stop and dissect. Also, the internet filter on the campus blocked anything with the word "bitch".....oops!

One thing I've noticed at past workshops is that some participants manage to get to know the faculty far better than others. I've always been in the "wanting to get to know, and therefore get everything possible out of faculty, but too introverted and shy to actually do it" group. I vowed to change that this year, so I made a point of just hanging around outside the theater after the last rehearsal of the day, and asking to have dinner with the out-of-town directors. The locals seemed to go home to their families in the evenings, but the non-locals were staying on campus, just like the students.

So, it turns out that one can learn loads from just sitting around the dinner table or the bar.

I made a point of asking "what next?" or "who should I sing for" or "do you have ideas about how to carve out a career that synthesizes text, rhetoric, history, drama, movement, dance and singing??" (you know, just the little, inconsequential questions.....not!) It really isn't quite as scary as I thought, this whole being outgoing thing, and I'm soooo glad that I put in that effort.

I've come home with loads of ideas and inspiration. That's the good part. The terrifying part is going to be implementing them. Because it turns out that, according to G, the guy who directed my scene, and who has a fascinating and multi-faceted career in early music, the best way to go about all of that synthesis stuff is to found my own company.

Most "early operas" that get performed are actually 18th C, almost a full century later than the repertoire that most interests me. These earliest operas get performed at the Boston Early Music Festival, and occasionally in student productions, but not usually other places. G suggested that I start with memorized concerts with a continuo team, then move up to memorized concerts with some movement, then work up from there.

yeah, yikes. Not intimidating AT ALL!!!

I think that a certain amount of my terror stems from the little gremlins, which have been awfully active this summer. They've been nagging at me, telling me that I'm not living up to some ill-defined ideal, or something. The feedback that I've gotten from faculty members at all these workshops, however, has been very, very positive. I'm trying to listen to the objective feedback, and trust that these are the foremost experts in early music.

Now, just to torment everyone with knowledge of awful teen gross-out movies from about 10 years ago:

"This one time, at baroque camp..."

Wrap-up of Amherst stuff

Saturday, August 1, 2009

I advertised my show, but didn't get into much detail about the Amherst workshop. It's taken some time to digest the experience, and figure out how to apply all of the information to normal life.

It was a one week workshop, where participants could choose up to 4 classes. In addition, there was some free-form music making (although one of my classes, the theater project, basically nixed any free time for those opportunities), and things like English country dancing (for the geriatric hippies) and concerts in the evenings. I, like many of the other younger people, paid my way by doing work-study jobs.

I took 3 classes: Vocal Masterclass, Baroque Gesture and the Theater Project (the Lute Song Extravaganza)

Masterclasses and gesture were both taught by a wonderful Early Music soprano. I worked with her before, 3 years ago, and I was very nervous about seeing her again. She had wonderful things to say at the time, and I got all scared that she would think that I hadn't progressed, or something.

(I was dealing with a lot of self-loathing the week before I left)

It turns out that the opposite was the case. She was very, very complimentary. She said that she was extremely impressed with the work I have done, and loved the way that my singing has developed.

That was great to hear, as I'm sure you can imagine.

My work study job was "bartending" (really just pouring wine and sodas at post concert receptions) and was actually pretty fun. I do have to say, though, that if I've got one criticism of the program it's that they expect work study students to make the work their first priority. That seems a little backward to me, but whatever.....

I got lots of good feedback from the faculty, and have a good sense of what needs working on and how to go about doing it. I'm also a bit more focused on productive work, instead of stressing about work without really doing it.

As you can imagine, there's also the let-down after these kinds of things. One has to go back to normal life, where it's not all theater and singing all the time. One has to figure out how to stay this focused while working a day job and getting sucked into job drama and frustrations, and that's never easy. Especially since for the first time ever, I'll have a full time job this year. Well, full-time in the school realm, which means 8am-3:30 (but really more like 3:45), every day. I do get more vacations than most schools (we get a week of in October and February--European style, as well as Winter and Spring breaks).

Truthfully, I'm very ambivalent about that. I signed the contract because I wanted the guaranteed income and the benefits, and because day-to-day subbing has gotten very frustrating. I was sick of never knowing where or with whom I'd be working. This way, I know that I'm working with a fantastic head teacher, and the new English teacher in our class is a friend of mine. I know that I'll have money, even if the musical scene is very sparse this season (which it looks like will be the case....damned economy). I also will be able to, you know, get an updated prescription, so that wearing my glasses actually accomplishes something.

The good things are all very good, but the thought of working all day every day is rather daunting. I always end up feeling like this after a summer of workshops and festivals, though. Even if I didn't have a day job, life wouldn't be like the programs, so I should probably just get over it!!

So there it is. I'm here for another week, then it's off to my next workshop. This one will be 2 weeks long, so the recovery will likely be even harder (which should be interesting considering that I go back to work the day after I fly home!!).....

I'll leave you with a photo from the dress rehearsal of our show. It was taken during my song "If Thou Longst So Much to Learn, Sweet Boy, What 'Tis to Love"

Ouch!!!!

Friday, July 31, 2009

I went to a new exercise class yesterday......today I hurt so much, and in places I never knew could hurt!!!

Here's my observation, though:
Let's demolish, once and for all, the idea that thin=healthy/strong and bigger=unhealthy/not strong.

I was one of the thinner people in this class, and got my ass handed to me, in a big way, by people heavier and older than I. Seriously.

Also, if you tend to think that thin people are healthier, think about a friend of mine from high school. She looked "good" and did sports, so there you go, right? Oops. Not. She was diagnosed with malnutrition because she only ate Diet Coke and cheese pizza.

So there.

In other news, I'm working really hard on not hating my physical self. I like me just fine, but I'm not so good at applying that to how I look......ugh......it's frustrating.

Desperate Housewives of Shakespeare's London

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Okay, if you're anywhere in the vicinity of New London, Connecticut on Friday night, you should TOTALLY come to my show.

It is, as you can tell from this title, called "Desperate Housewives of Shakespeare's London, a Lute Song Cabaret" and is a mash-up of English lute-songs and scenes/dialogues/monologues from Shakespeare and other 16th Century playwrights.

The goal, I think, is to convince people once and for all that Renaissance and Baroque music are not, in fact, boring. It can be pensive, rhetorical, flowery, suggestive and downright filthy.

There are lots and lots of downright filthy songs in this show. Lots.

There's also a couch on stage, so you can fill in the blanks.

Here, for example, is the text to a lovely little gem called "It fell on a sommer's day:"

It fell on sommers day,
While sweete Bessie sleeping laie
In her bower, on her bed,
Light with curtains shadowed;

Jamy came,
Shee him spies,
Op'ning halfe her sleeping eyes.

Jamy stole in through the dore,
She lay slumbring as before;
Softly to her he drewe neare,
She heard him, yet would not heare;
Bessie vowed not to speak;
......

(insert some innuendo, then follow:)

Jamy then began to play,
Bessie as one buried lay,
Gladly through this sleight
Deceiv'd in her own deceit;
And since this trounce begoon (began)
She sleeps ev'rie afternoone.
And, since this trance begoon,
She sleeps ev'rie afternoone.

(In this version, a woman is singing the lines about Bessie, and a man sings those about Jamy. I think that originally it was written for one voice)

Whew!!

So yeah, Friday night at 8pm at Connecticut College. It's part of the Amherst Early Music Festival, so if you look up their website, there will be info.

Un-frakkin'-believable!

Henry Louis (Skip) Gates Jr. was arrested on his own front porch a couple of days ago. Apparently someone saw him (and a cab driver?) fiddling with his front door, which was jammed, and called the police reporting "2 black men on a porch with backpacks."
Because, you know, no black people live in Cambridge, MA, or something......

Gates was arrested for "disorderly conduct" when he got angry that, oh, HE WAS BEING ARRESTED IN HIS OWN HOUSE!!!!!

If you don't know who Gates is, go find out, because you should. He's very well known as a scholar, professor, literary critic and documentary film producer and host.
If you haven't watched "African American Lives" and African American Lives 2 (that aired on PBS a few years ago), go do that too. They're fascinating.

My favorite Gates moment (which will have to be from PBS because I'll never take any of his classes at Harvard) was when he said, upon learning that approximately 50% of his ancestors were European, "What?? ME? Captain Black Man???"

Moment of levity aside, this situation is all too common, and completely despicable!

ugh....

Thursday, July 16, 2009

I have a problem.

I'm leaving for a workshop on Sunday, and am expected to have my music (2 solos, 2 ensemble pieces and some dialogue) memorized by then. Not only that, but even though the texts are in English, they're all Elizabethan and use some very arcane words and strange syntax. AND I need to be able to recite all the texts and tell what every word means alone and in context.

Sounds normal right? Sounds like someone with inordinate amounts of free time could have it all completely under control and feel great, right???

Nope.

I cannot find motivation for the life of me.

Don't know why.

I'm so frustrated with myself. I've been beating myself up (mentally) every day, all summer, but I haven't managed to get off my ass and do my work.

Today, for example, I rolled out of bed around 9:45. It's now 2pm and what have I done? Lolled about on the couch watching TV and browsing through Harry Potter to check on what they changed for the most recent movie.

Seriously.

I haven't learned my dialogue at all.
Neither have I spent any time on the ensembles.

ugh.

I really hate myself right now.

Role of Women in the Court

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Has everyone been listening to the Sotomayor hearing? It's really interesting, but it seems like every time a conservative senator gets the chance to question her, he comes off like a dolt.....Graham, I think, used the word "in" about 38 times in one sentence this afternoon (and no, it wasn't a stutter).

The other day, I read an interview with the Supreme Court's only (at the moment) female justice, Ruth Bader Ginsberg. I think this interview has made its way to the cable news chumps, who have undoubtedly butchered the interpretation.

I wanted to pass it on, and strongly urge you all to read the whole thing, though, because wow. It's fascinating.

On the topic of whether one's life experiences affect how they view the world and decide cases ("well, duh!" is my response, but that's just me), and the whole to-do over Sonia Sotomayor's now infamous quote:

I thought it was ridiculous for them to make a big deal out of that. Think of how many times you’ve said something that you didn’t get out quite right, and you would edit your statement if you could. I’m sure she meant no more than what I mean when I say: Yes, women bring a different life experience to the table. All of our differences make the conference better. That I’m a woman, that’s part of it, that I’m Jewish, that’s part of it, that I grew up in Brooklyn, N.Y., and I went to summer camp in the Adirondacks, all these things are part of me.


On feminism and advancing its ideals:

I always thought that there was nothing an antifeminist would want more than to have women only in women’s organizations, in their own little corner empathizing with each other and not touching a man’s world. If you’re going to change things, you have to be with the people who hold the levers.



On the recently decided case of the middle-schooler who was strip-searched:

Q: What about the case this term involving the strip search, in school, of 13-year-old Savana Redding? Justice Souter’s majority opinion, finding that the strip search was unconstitutional, is very different from what I expected after oral argument, when some of the men on the court didn’t seem to see the seriousness here. Is that an example of a case when having a woman as part of the conversation was important?

JUSTICE GINSBURG: I think it makes people stop and think, Maybe a 13-year-old girl is different from a 13-year-old boy in terms of how humiliating it is to be seen undressed. I think many of [the male justices] first thought of their own reaction. It came out in various questions. You change your clothes in the gym, what’s the big deal?


Again, "well duh!" Why is it hard for people to grasp that privileged white guys will not be the best at fairly evaluating the experiences of those not like themselves??

And on the biggie: Choice. Ginsberg does seem very firmly optimistic about reproductive rights remaining in place, which is a refreshing voice to hear.

The morning-after pill will become more accessible and easier to take. So I think the side that wants to take the choice away from women and give it to the state, they’re fighting a losing battle. Time is on the side of change.


And on the problems with anti-choice thinking:

The poor little woman, to regret the choice that she made. Unfortunately there is something of that in Roe. It’s not about the women alone. It’s the women in consultation with her doctor. So the view you get is the tall doctor and the little woman who needs him.


Go read the whole thing!
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/12/magazine/12ginsburg-t.html?pagewanted=4&_r=2

Bwah hah hah ha (the I'm evil edition)

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Maybe Michael Jackson's children shouldn't be looked after by the same people who looked after Michael Jackson

Whoopsie!

Friday, July 3, 2009

So, um, it turns out that Sandra Tsing Loh had an affair, which helped contribute to the end of her marriage.......somehow I missed that when I read the article.

oops.

My reaction and Bitch, Phd's analysis still stand, though.

Cue the William Tell Overture*

Thursday, July 2, 2009

It's Boyfriend's and my fourth anniversary today. Yay!

We count the day we met as our anniversary, because we started dating pretty much immediately. Maybe sometime I'll tell the crazy story of how we met, but not right now....

Anyway, I suppose that it could be much more intense, but at 4 years, and our ages (30 and 27), the questions have started.

You know the questions I mean:
"Well, is your relationship going well? It is? Well, have you two thought about...."
"Do you ever think about....."
"If you decide you want children, will you, ya know...."

Yes, kids, the topic of the day is, once again, marriage. That honorary four-letter word.

It would likely be far worse if I lived somewhere more "traditional" where everyone gets married a couple years out of college and has 9-5 jobs, or something. Being in the Bay Area liberal/progressive haven, and being a performer, certainly help. No one can "settle down" because that requires money. Which no one has.....

But yes. Certain family members or friends have definitely started pestering us. My aunt even asked if we were getting married "within the next year." She's most perturbed by the pre-marital sex you see. I'm not sure what the "within the next year" thing is all about, though. Is there some little known passage of scripture that says that sex is less bad if it occurs within the same fiscal year as marriage??

And don't even get me started on having children.....

I love the perplexed looks, though, when I say that, no, marriage is SO not a priority. "Why not?"

Why not? Um, well.....

Sandra Tsing Loh's article in the Atlantic is a good reason. Because everything can be perfectly fine, and still perfectly wrong.

Because the patriarchal bullshit still abounds, no matter how much couples try to ignore or supress it.

Because of what Bitch, PhD said about Tsing Loh's article:

The Good Marriage is Supposed to be:

sexually monogamous
between one man and one woman (even though, or rather because, men and women Are Different)
for their entire lives
begun early enough that they can have children, plural, (if they want to), without having to go through infertility treatment
passionate, again, for their entire lives
respectful at all times
mutually supportive, at all times
economically successful
able to accommodate two careers, if so desired
a friendship
something you "work" at, but it's not supposed to feel like work
flirty--but only with each other
not jealous
a Pillar of Society

Marriage should be like the early days of dating + the settled feeling of being "a couple" + a true partnership + a friendship + exciting + comfortable + productive (of kids, of material goods). People shouldn't get married "too young," but they certainly shouldn't wait "too long." They should both want to have passionate sex with each other whenever the other person wants to, but not when the other person doesn't, and god knows we don't want to see married people acting like teenagers in public places: holding hands is cute, and so are sweet chaste kisses, but come on! Especially if you already have children!

You mustn't fight--not in public, not in front of the children, and not so the neighbors can hear you. Certainly not in front of guests or friends. In fact, not only mustn't you fight, but you mustn't even act tense lest it make others uncomfortable. If one of you is abusive, then why does the other one put up with it???--but divorce, of course, is a Terrible Thing. Unless we've known all along that that person was bad for you, or that you were a terrible couple, or that the relationship was doomed, in which case for god's sake why didn't you divorce years ago? In fact, why did you get married in the first place?? We tried to tell you.

We also tried to tell you that that two careers thing wasn't going to work--you hardly spent any time together. It also doesn't work when one of you subsumes your life in the other person's career, though--I mean, don't you feel your masculinity is threatened? Isn't it your own fault that you don't have any savings or retirement or interests of your own now that he's left you/died/the children have moved out? Anyway, marriage is a total tool of patriarchy. And while we're at it, are you going to change your name or not?

If you're gay and you (want to) get married, you're just being assimilationist. And if your marriage ends, then not only are you a personal failure, but you've Undermined the Cause. Anyway, given how fucked up marriage is, why do you want to have anything to do with it? Except that oh right, we want you to save it for us, because god knows we've fucked it up. Unless of course your getting married is going to fuck it up even worse, in which case, forget it.

Marriage is a sacrament. It was ordained by god. It's a secular institution, which should include tax benefits and health insurance because it promotes stability and because financial benefits not only incentivize marriage but make it easier for spouses to support each other in hard times. But that's not fair to single people! So really, marriage shouldn't convey any benefits whatsoever--but you don't get to complain about the emotional or financial burdens of marriage, because after all, you chose to do it.

NOT that that means you can choose *how* you do it. Because your weird, unconventional marriage makes other people uncomfortable, and plus it sets a bad example for the children, who might think that it's okay to live that way. Which it isn't.

Why does any of that sound like fun?
Where in all of that is there time for tickle wars or laughing your ass off over horribly snarky jokes?

Why should I skip perkily into a life of frustration and trying to live up to expectations?

Everything is fine, and I like it just the way it is. Right now, on our fourth anniversary, I want nothing to do with marriage.

Even if all couples in the country could suddenly have all the rights of straight couples, even if there were children involved, even if someone could guarantee that the patriarchy would get the fuck out of the way.

Now I'm going to go make dinner reservations. And maybe get out of my pyjamas (yes, I'm still in pj's at almost-2-o'clock in the afternoon. Suck it.)




*Who can guess the reference?? Also, if the overture is all you know of Rossini's Guillaume Tell, you should seek it out. It's lovely.

Good things

Friday, June 26, 2009

Greetings from Santa Barbara!
I'm spending the weekend with my best friend "Molly." There will be much giggling, silliness, and hilarity.
I drove down yesterday, and it was an easy, non-stressful drive. Which is good. Usually I get to about Santa Maria and realize that both my foot and butt are asleep....not good.

I was really worried that the Supreme Court would rule that strip-searching a 13 year old girl is just fine. Remember? Well, happily, I was wrong. In an 8-1 decision, the court ruled it unconstitutional. I'm not surprised that Thomas was the only dissenter....

So yes. It is decreed that making a child strip for the sake of finding some non-existent ibuprofen is WRONG!

Off to walk around the salt marshes and seal rookery.

 
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